Rudy McScroogles - TBTMNS Response

Dear Mr. McScroogles,

I am quite flattered by your interest in wanting to eat my spleen, and I am sure I speak for my wide audience when I say that they too are flattered.

Since your initial contact, I have done extensive research on the human spleen, as well as the gall bladder and the appendix that you stated you would also accept.

Unfortunately, I can not offer you any of the aforementioned internal organs at this time. They all seem to serve a purpose (except perhaps my appendix), and to be honest, I have grown quite fond of them during the course of the past 32 years.

I will let you know if I have a falling out with any of those organs and change my mind regarding their edibility. In the meantime, I wish you the best of luck with your spleen endevours, and urge you not to be a stranger to the TBTMNS community.

Kindest Regards,

TBTMNS

Fact:

All known multicellular organisms eventually die.

Exception:
This blog. This blog is a living multicellular organism that will live forever. It eats, it sleeps, and more importantly, it breeds. And after thousands of years, it will evolve into the most powerful multicellular organism ever seen. It will destroy everything else and will eventually rule the entire universe (except for the planet Neptune which, due to a previous agreement, is off limits to TBTMNS).

Pay homage to TBTMNS today, and be spared it's wrath! You can pay homage in two ways: by sending money (U.S. $ denominated bills - no coins) or by posting a comment. Any comment at all. Failure to either leave a comment or donate money will result in your eventual destruction and/or immediate expulsion to the 9th dimension, otherwise known as the 'LEMON' dimension (trust me, it's not as cool as it sounds).

Don't hate the player. Hate the game.

This is undeniably the best blog post I have made all day. And if I may be permitted to take it a step further, this is definitely one of the top 22 best posts I've ever written.

I am the Hemingway of March 27, 2007.
I am the Bukowski of Apartment 10-E.
I am the Nietzsche of The Blog That Makes No Sense (TBTMNS).
I am the zeitgeist of tomorrow afternoon.

Yes - the post is that good, and I am reveling in my creativity.

Photo

Hizzle Fashizzle Dizzle.

'Nough said.

NCAA Tournament

Watching college basketball this past week, I am reminded of something my father once told me.

I am also reminded of avocados and fire ants. Also, Yusuf Islam (the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens) comes to mind.

Am I the only one??????

I can't be....

weekend plans

you are a sinner. go wash your hands and brush your teeth. go eat some melon and throw soiled diapers at the mirror. go wrap tin foil around your head, pour milk on yourself, run outside of your apartment/house, look up at the sky and scream at the top of your lungs: "apple turnovers? why?!?!". stick wasabi peas up your nose, as far up as you can get them. eat styrofoam, but not before you cover it with garlic powder. pee on your neighbor. punch yourself in the head. pour salt in your eyes. staple your nipples to the wall. shave your eyebrows off, then eat them. get a tattoo of a rat on your forehead. a big tattoo of a big rat.


Disclaimer (from the TBTMNS legal department): TBTMNS is not responsible for any injuries, fights, wars, plagues, nuclear winters, winters of discontent, spring chickens, summer squash, or autumn warts that may occur from any of the above suggestions.

Rudy McScroogles, Pt. II

I just received an email from our old friend Rudy McScroogles. Here is the actual transcript of our conversation:

From: Rudy McScroogles
To: TBTMNS
Re: Eating your spleen

Dear Sir,

I am still very interested in eating your spleen, and/or the spleen(s) of any of your many, many readers. In lieu of a spleen, I will happily settle for either a gall bladder or an appendix. Please reiterate this information to your many, many readers and respond back to me at your earliest convenience.

Yours Truly,

R. McScroogles

Theme Song

I have composed a theme song that I (strongly) recommend all visitors sing upon entering the realm of The Blog That Makes No Sense (TBTMNS). The lyrics are as follows, and are sung to the music of the 17th century Ukrainian love song "The Brown Cow's Utters Have Gone Dry".

This is the blog that makes no sense.
This is the blog that makes no sense.
This is the blog that makes no sense!?
Bloga Bloga, Blog Bloga Bloga.
This is the blog that makes no sense.

Yeah.

(Repeat first verse)

Yeah.

(Repeat first verse)

Yeah, Yeah. Oh Yeah!! Blog Bloga.

(Repeat first verse)

Yeah.

(fade out)

copyright d. weed productions, MMVII

Good night to all

I bid you all a fond farewell, and wish you a peaceful night's sleep. I am worn out and exhausted by a busy day of blogging. My fingers are bloodied, I can only see out of one eye (thanks to the ugly pie incident), and my body is wracked with pain.

Until tomorrow,

Humbly yours,

Best wishes,

Sincerely,

D. Weed

YXYXYX

ugly pie is in my eye
i don't know why it's in my eye
but it sure is ugly pie.

(Upon further reflection, I have come to learn why there was ugly pie in my eye. I was initially sceptical of just how ugly the pie was and so, with curiosity beating out better judgment, instinct and divine intervention, I approached the pie. Now only a few feet away, the pie was as ugly as ever. Still disbelieving, I decided to get an even closer look. I crept so close to the ugly pie that I soon had my face buried in it. I was marooned on the pie like an ancient mariner who lets the beautiful siren song guide his ship to ruin. The pie was the rock. My face was the ship. And not long after I came to my senses did I then realize that aside from having ugly pie in my stomach, in my hair, my nose, my mouth and ears, I also had ugly pie in my eye.

How silly of me - how could I have forgotten about something like that! In retrospect, it seems pretty obvious to me why there was ugly pie in my eye . Another day, another life lesson.)

Yo. Adriandrogonous.

Sylvester Stalone is my favorite HGH user ever.

my dog got lost in the fog. then it peed on a log. then it went for a swim in a bog. now i am writing about it on my blog.

HAHAHA sucker - i don't even have a dog!!!

Congratulations!!!

I'd like to thank everyone for their help in making "The Blog That Makes No Sense" the 6,829,941st most popular blog on the internet.

Thank you to everyone for making this possible. I have poured a lot of sweat and alcohol into making this dream come true, but at the end of the day, the truth is that I could not have done any of it without the help of my many loyal fans, servants and supporters.

You have my word that I will not let this new found celebrity go to my head, and I promise to keep posting my deepest, most insightful thoughts right here on this blog. In the meantime please keep the fan mail, the naked pictures and the donations coming.

Your humble servant,

Dill Weed

Gibbons

John Gibbons has 6 toes on his right foot and a birthmark that looks like Margaret Thatcher on his back.

He too smells like cheese.

Rudy McSroogles wants to eat your spleen.

The Matrix

It wasn't until I was without my computer for a week that I realized just how much of a slave I am to the damn thing. Normally, I'll sit at the computer for hours, under the guise of 'working from home'. In reality, all I seem to do is go from tab to tab in Firefox, reading websites, checking business updates, seeing who's on my other websites, etc. It is really just a big merry-go-round, since by the time I am done checking all the tabs and sites, it's time to start again from the beginning. Then, at the end of the day, I have no fucking idea what I did all day.

Being without my computer sucked (because of all I lost and all the catch up and reinstalation I've had to do), but in actuality, that week was quite productive. I read, took a bunch of photos, relaxed, etc. At least I had an answer for how I spent the day.

These computers are addictive. You have been warned. BY ME. AND THAT IS THE GREATEST WARNING OF ALL. GREATER THAN GETTING WARNED BY NAPOLEON OR BY MILARD FILMORE OR OSCAR GAMBLE.

Destruction and Tears.

A surprising number of people (ok, it was 2 people. and one was my friend.) wrote me and asked why I hadn't blogged in over a week. The answer was this:

The hard drive on my 2 year old Mac Powerbook G4 died. I am not sure if it was suicide or a natural death, but that does not matter now. What matters is that I lost almost everything. I lost all my emails. I lost all my bookmarks. I lost a lot of writing, and most of the files I use to run my business. Many of these files were complex Excel spreadsheets that had been honed over the past two years into weapons of mass organization.

Luckily, I had some of the stuff backed up. However, this has been a very demoralizing event. I want to cry. I have to start from scratch in so many different areas that I think it might be easier to just never turn the fucking computer on again. I can't even log onto any of the websites I remember going to, since all my passwords are gone! This sucks...

Back up your data you bastards!