Thursday, October 18, 2007

Why Do You Treat Me Like A Tree Frog?

Can you answer me, just this once? Now that I have been out drinking all night and am full of liquid courage, please tell me: Why do you treat me like a tree frog?

Is it something I've done? Do I not make you happy? Is it because I live in a tree and eat insects? That is no reason to treat me like a tree frog. You are amphibianphobic. There is a place for you - it's called WalMart.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Footage of my near death encounter with the rabid melon-man that lived in my neighbors shrubs.

In the first photo, you can clearly see the rage in the wild melon-man's eyes. If he looks scary here, believe me, he is even scarier in person. However, pushed forward by the testosterone that was coursing through my veins, I lunged forward to capture the wild melon man in his natural habitat (which happens to be my windowsill).

He was not happy, and became even wilder. He bit my hand. I was angry. The wild melon-man has very sharp teeth and very, very bad breath. I was now worried about possibly getting an infection.

We wrestled in my neighbors shrubs for some time before we both fell to the floor, naked and exhausted. We felt a bond that only exists between two wild animals fighting for survival. I gazed into the eyes of the wild melon-man and told him I loved him. He spit in my face. I then stabbed him between the eyes and ate him for lunch.

Such is life.