Monday, January 26, 2009

Blood Oranges

I guess when you bite into a blood orange, that means it bleeds. Does it scream too? Can I just not hear it? Is there a certain 'orange frequency' that blood oranges scream at when you bite into them? Maybe they are trying to tell us something astounding, like how to make a perfect flan. Humanity's loss for not being able to hear the blood oranges scream.

Sunday, January 25, 2009


to take your face and sprinkle it with cheese, cover it in salsa, and bake it in the oven for 3 hours at 350 degrees.

i would then take your face and serve it with a side of rice and maple syrup. there would be plenty of apple juice for everyone, and ice cream would be served for dessert.

everyone would enjoy the meal and your face would have served a higher purpose.

please consider my proposal. i will pay you $7.03.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The End is Near

The end is near. I can taste it. It tastes like sushi.

Sushi is made from rice and seaweed. Sometimes, it includes fish. Sometimes it includes vegetables. Sometimes the sushi is a combination of the two. Sometimes the sushi is made of fish eggs that are like tiny balls of salty slime that remind you of your first encounter with the "Catfish Woman of Lake Minnetonka".

Ahhh yes, the Catfish Woman of Lake Minnetonka. How I long for your scaly touch, your facial tendrils and the emptiness of your words.