What?

Otto von Boobenhoffer likes to eat sugar beets with his feet while listening to his "Engleberg Humperdink's Greatest Hits" record on his phonograph.

Advice from TBTMNS

DO NOT burn tires in your apartment and then attempt to put the fire out with hydrochloric acid.

Not a good idea. Trust me.

Chores

Can I please have my allowance? I did my chores, made my bed, slept in it, and then made it again. I had my cake and ate it too. Then I took out the garbage. Then I dusted the file cabinet with your favorite pair of tighty whities. Then I peeled some fruit and decided to throw it out the window at the old woman who was passing below. I followed that with coffee grinds and pork rinds. She was not happy.

I really need my allowance.

you smell.

Good News!

I just received an official off-the-record email stating that the Blog That Makes No Sense has been issued a non-conditional temporary permanent permit to resume posting our knowledge and wisdom on the internets. Frank F. in internet compliance pulled some strings for us (although he has yet to produce the cup of warm soup we requested) and apparently got the Mid-Level Senior Junior Vice-President of Lower-Level Senior Junior Vice-Presidents who is in charge of overseeing the oversight of the department that sits across from the Internet Compliance Compliance Department to get the appropriate stamps and signatures. Bravo to you, Frank F. You will always be a friend (and maybe more (wink wink)) of The Blog That Makes No Sense.

TBTMNS has been set free like a caged pigeon, and like a caged pigeon that has just been set free, we are ready to spray the world with our postings.

Look skyward. Be ready.

SUSPENDED

The Blog That Makes No Sense (TBTMNS) has been suspended from posting on the internet. All entries are being reviewed by Frank F. in the internet compliance department, and we will return to broadcasting our wisdom and wit once Frank F. from compliance gives us the green light and a cup of warm soup.

Until then my friends, remember: Darkness is not the opposite of light. It is the absence of light.

Also, remember to call your mom.

Your fearless leader,

Dill Weed

Smelly Nellie has a big belly. They say she is smelly 'cause she rolls her self in jelly.
It sticks on her arms and sticks in her hair. When she stand up, jelly flies everywhere.
She wobbles down the street and she rolls down the lane, squashing little kids like stale candy canes.

She'll eat you out of house and she'll eat you out of home, she'll eat your pet dog and she'll eat your garden gnome.
She'll eat your arm and she'll eat your leg, she'll eat your kitchen table and then she'll beg.
She'll beg for more food and she'll beg for some cash, she'll beg and beg to find your porno stash.

OK.

Now let's discuss something real. A real topic. Like Smurfs. Smurfs are AWESOME. They are little blue dudes that just run around all happy all the time. What a life. Keep rocking little smurf dudes. Keep on rockin in the smurf world.

Mr. Big Eye

Mr. Big Eye is watching you. That's why they call him that. He's got a really big eye and he can see a lot more out of his giant eye than most people can see with their (comparatively) smaller eyes.

A Very Special Day

Today is a very special day!!! April 20th is Semi-National Rotten Fruit Appreciation Day (RFAD). In celebration of this glorious day, I will be eating rotten fruit for the next 11 hours and 8 minutes. The best part about eating rotten fruit is that you don't even have to chew it. It is mushy and you can just suck it right in. Some fruits (depending on just how rotten they are) you don't even have to peel! The skin becomes one with the fruit in a dance of decomposition that has been taking place for millions of years. It is brown and it is beautiful.

The fruit flies have been right all along.

I have seen some unbelievable things. Like grass and cows and clouds and pie and ants and freeze and big smiley marshmallows and pie and pie and pie and pie and pie and bugs and sneeze and trees and whales and sharks and snakes and pie and french fries and paris and the sea and the sky and babies and pie and pie and pie and pie and pie plates and diners and squash and forks and dead wombats.